âA lot of what guided me through this was my faith. We Were Told To Leave Nina In The Playroom, All By Herself, And Depart Written by Jiyer for Portrait of an Adoption, Your children are not your children. A few weeks into the visits, Rayna asked that we arrange visits with Ninaâs half-siblings as well. ', Two days later, Rayna called. But we also had a delightful gift, feeling a love so intense that I allowed myself to revel in a fantasy of motherhood as I held her in my arms. It engaged local restaurants to help bring awareness to the needs of foster care with a campaign called âFall in Love with Foster Careâ. And so I wrapped the skirt, beautifully, and handed the package rather awkwardly to Rayna on our next âNina visit.â I was uncomfortable thinking of Rayna as family, even though my mother had used that word to describe her. Think about how vulnerable Rayna feels right now, having just reunited with her daughter. âHow are you doing?â she asked. As any honest foster parent can tell you, this is what happens when a child is placed with you: Your agency calls and gives you a little information about the child. All rights reserved. Please donât call us anymore.â Utterly devastated and sobbing, I told Dyl, the yin to my yang, who always could see beyond a raw emotional response. Foster Kent Kids made custom coasters for area restaurants to use in February and offered handouts with ways for the community to get involved. Some parents also love certain children or a child more than their other children in a bio only family or an adopted only family. Credit Illustration by Abigail Gray Swartz. âThe going thus far has been rough, very rough. I pleaded and tried to assure her that was the farthest thought from our minds. Yesterday she was looking at the money in the change purse you gave her and she cried for her Dada.â. Next: 'We were told to leave Nina in the playroom, all by herself, and depart.'. I had grown fond of Rayna, no doubt, but she also had the daughter I desired: Nina, whom I had grown to love so much. As we headed toward our truck, our empty truck devoid of Ninaâs things, we held each other and cried -â huge, broken sobs, mourning the loss in our lives. Saving one child at a time?â Dyl said as we discussed what to do. Degen Pener-December ⦠I grieved and grieved and grieved the loss of my son and I was wracked with guilt over taking his life for granted. There were days when the emotional tumult in my heart seemed unbearable. Now, a judge says if they have sex again they'll be jailed. Thanks to an excellent counselor, I was able to arrive at a peaceful state of being. That lasted a few minutes, interrupted by the ring of my cell phone: âHello? If you have a story you would like to submit as a candidate for next year's series, please email it to her at portraitofanadoption@gmail.com. WMPC is piloting an Follow Carrie Goldman on Twitter. And so we did. Among states, New Mexico ranked first: In recent years, about 40 percent of its foster children returned home within a few days or weeks. Think of that,â my mother said. Of course every time we said good-bye, it felt like leaving behind a part of ourselves. And Nina?â I asked, my empty arms aching as I imagined reaching out over the phone and holding Nina close. mission to keep Kent County children in Kent County after they have entered the foster care. âI will always love you, OK?â âBe happy, Stay happy,â said Dyl as he followed with a hug for the daughter of his heart. When we brought beautiful, alert little Nina home, I didnât realize how amazing it would feel to finally have a baby in my arms. âI definitely plan to stay in touch.â. And while itâs different for everyone, there are some common thoughts and ⦠I had had some exposure, through family and friends, to the struggles of mental illness. âThank you,â she said as she opened the package and gave me a close, strong hug. innovative foster care model in Kent County to improve outcomes for children in But I was also torn. It started as a cavalier thought, âitâ being the entry of children into our lives. The medications used to treat it often stop working and have to be changed or dosages adjusted, and the side effects can be terrible. âI love you, Nina,â I said fiercely. The first time we took Nina to visit her mother, we liked Rayna even more. It took my husband another year to buy into the idea. Can you take care of Nina and bring her to her mother for regular visits? Different religions have different perspectives on an adopted sibling and blood sibling marrying each other. Every child, whether adoptive or not, has day-to-day emotional needs that require providing unconditional love, encouragement, and patience. That was four years ago. I am working very hard to get better, and I will get her back.â With that, we discussed a visiting schedule and ended our first conversation. services offered to children and families. invited residents to step away from the She said the department has hired foster care recruiters, leading to an increase of 300 foster homes and 385 kinship homes, where children are placed with relatives. How naïve and foolish we were, my husband Dyl and I. All Grown Up: Romance Novels Featuring Former Foster Childern Finding Love These books give the ultimate happily ever after to those heros and heroines who made it through the foster care system to find love and make strong families. âOne for you and one for Rayna,â she said. People talk about "friendzoning" when a person does not reciprocate the affection another feels. A troubled foster child with an affinity for drawing and artwork, becomes attached to her eccentric and forgetful new foster mother, also an artist. As I recall, with the often constipated Ms. Nina, I was not successful at accomplishing that. stereotypical Valentineâs Day and Fall in Love with Foster Care. support in their journey toward reunification. In February, Foster Kent Kids -Kahlil Gibran, âOn Childrenâ. I had a stereotypical vision of what someone who had her baby taken into state custody would look like â- unkempt, indifferent. After that initial hesitancy, Rayna never wavered in sharing Nina with us, not even during the early days when Nina would cry that she wanted to be with us, only us. I held her very, very close, hoping that the lifetime of love within me would work its way into her little body. âWho was that?â my husband asked. Yet the social worker said they could not permit this and risk drama. As I reflect on our continuing story, I think of Rayna, whose selflessness has allowed it to be so. I doubt she can make it, but she is early in this journey. ... We cannot guarantee any petâs behavior and this will help to protect both the child and the pet. Next: 'I am so sorry. Yes, Rayna was easy to love, yet there was a dent in the form of Wayne, a man Rayna met during rehab. from Bethany Christian Services, Catholic Charities West Michigan, D.A. Wayne was gone and Rayna was a confident, good mother. Find the Portrait of an Adoption community on Facebook. Foster care is temporary until the child can be Youâll spend most of your time beforeâand even afterâbecoming a foster parent thinking about how youâll best love the children in your care. You can fall in love with a person for all of the right reasons, but that kind of love can still fall apart. In early 2002, our flourishing careers and fulfilling lives were topped off by my âpregnancy-on-command.â It seemed as if a casual curiosity about children got me pregnant, unexpectedly easily, reinforcing a notion that we could sail through parenting as we had everything else in our marriage partnership. She seemed nice,â I said. Photo. True, we had our first frustrating surprise: diaper packages do not come with instructions and neither one of us knew which side was which! Foster boy and Labradoodle fall in love and are adopted by the same family (photos) Updated Jan 09, 2019; Posted Dec 25, 2017 Fundraising calendar has ⦠However, it is true that most children in foster ⦠If a child says he loves a teacher or a counselor, he doesnât mean in adult terms to include physical intimacy. It began with a meeting with Ninaâs social worker: âNinaâs mother Rayna is suffering from mental illness,â she explained. Every morning, I prayed that Rayna and her daughter Nina were safe -- then was able, somehow, to go about my day. And as a lawyer, surely you understand that Raynaâs lawyer has to tell her to watch out against possible problems?â My brain understood what he was saying, and I was definitely not angry with Rayna, but my heart would not stop feeling sad. Later, as we drove off, I saw little Nina craning her neck, desperate to catch every last glimpse of her mother standing, waving outside the rehab center, before she disappeared from sight. Falling in love is one of the strangest and most wonderful things a human being can experience. âI am your daughter, Mom,â I said. "It's the Falling in Love" is a song by American recording artist Michael Jackson with guest vocals by R&B singerâsongwriter Patti Austin. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. Nina and Lenny, whose enigmatic, telepathic love has Dyl and I in awe of how life brings together people, of the instruments we have been in bringing two beautiful souls together, of the privilege we enjoy in being able to love and guide two children into the future. Portrait of an Adoption is hosted by Carrie Goldman, author of Bullied: What Every Parent, Teacher, and Kid Needs to Know About Ending the Cycle of Fear. Foster families provide temporary, 24-hour care in a home setting when it is necessary for a child to be separated from his or her birth family. âRayna is allowed to date whomever she wants,â a social worker screamed at us, âHow dare you be so judgmental?â Nobody was interested in seeing Wayneâs frighteningly violent record except, thankfully, Raynaâs attorney, her zealous advocate whom I admired. But that is not what I wanted to hear from my mother, not when all I wanted to do was scoop Nina up into my arms and run away, run away to a place where Rayna could not find us and take her back. Nina and Lenny⦠a ⦠They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. âShe seems like part of our family now,â she replied. Foster families have been trained to help children deal with frightening and traumatic events in their lives. âLove her like a daughter,â the social worker had said to us, âIt is the only way she will develop those feelings of attachment that she can transfer to her mother if reunification is successful.â And we did -â we showered love on her, we loved her like a daughter, we couldnât have loved her more. Rayna, whose tenacious love and successful reunification is an inspiration in many ways, now has a daughter who loves and visits us, yet always wants to go back. But remember that you can do and be everything right, and that does not mean that she will fall in love with you. Later, as Rayna continued to make progress and I no longer could deny the closeness and empathy I felt toward her (at this point I readily could see how much she wanted her life and her precious daughter back), I hesitated only for a moment before handing her a well-written article I had found about step-by-step pointers on how to reunify with your child. Blodgett â St. Johnâs, Samaritas, Wellspring Lutheran Services, and the And, through all my sorrow, I had to admit, easy to love. Directed by Joel Schumacher. Since then, our families have become even more intertwined -â and grown to include Lenny, our foster son whom we adopted when his biological parents were unable to conquer their demons of addiction and crime. Mary adopted a little girl through foster care after her mother, despite rehabilitation services, could not overcome a heroin addiction. 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